Mixed Emotions

Happy Monday, everyone! Today was a wonderful day!!!! I had a little breakthrough today.. thanks to an email from my friend, Sunny. Let me tell you about it.

The day before Thanksgiving my brother and sister-in-law, Matt and Holly, came to Tuscola to spend the night with us before heading to Levelland for the Copeland Thanksgiving weekend. With in a few moments of being in our home, they announced that they will be expecting a little one in July. As you can imagine, I began to shake and cry hysterically... I had the feeling you get right before you hyperventilate. I was either going to run out the door screaming or jump up and down and hug Matt and Holly. Of course, I did the right thing and jumped up and down and hugged them both. I have never felt such mixed emotions. Soooo happy for them... but soooo scared for us. I fought my way through smiles and baby talk. But what I really wanted to do was crawl into Tim's arms and cry.

My little bubba and his sweet, little wife...

Welp... I slapped myself on the face a couple of times... it was time for the pity party to end. The last thing I want is for anyone to feel like they are walking on eggshells around me... or for them to hold back their excitement because of my sadness. The Thanksgiving weekend that followed was equally as hard. Sharing in the family's excitement was difficult... but definitely good practice... for this wouldn't be the first experience of this kind.





Kristal and Daryl
Only one week later my best friend, Kristal, called me crying. She said, "I don't want to tell you." And I said, "You are pregnant aren't you?" We both started crying and I tried to comfort her. This time I was crying because I felt soooo guilty that my best friend would be sad/scared crying when she made the call! "What the heck?," I thought... "this is the day she has dreamed of her whole life... and she's scared to tell me.?



So I found myself being taught the same lesson -- being genuinely happy FOR and rejoicing WITH those who are are experiencing something great -- Instead of feeling sorry for myself. These are the other times in my life when the Lord has tried to teach me this lesson:

1. When everyone else got their Aggie Rings on time and I didn't it.
2. When everyone else graduated on time and I didn't.
3. When Matt and Holly got engaged and I didn't.
4. When Matt and Holly got married and I didn't.
5. When Matt and Holly got pregnant and we didn't.
6. When Kristal and Daryl got pregnant and we didn't.

Well... here's the lesson learned...
1. I got my Aggie Ring the next semester.
2. I graduated as a BILINGUAL teacher one year later.
3. I got engaged to Tim one year after Matt and Holly.
4. I married Tim one year after Matt and Holly.

5. & 6. Maybe we'll get pregnant one year after Matt and Holly and Kristal and Daryl! :) C'mon, Lord...

So back to the beginning of this post... when I said I got an email today that changed my outlook on things a little bit... here is a part of that email.

"Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had a different hair color than the other members. One of her students suggested that he was adopted. A little girl said, ' I know all about adoption, I was adopted.. '

'What does it mean to be adopted?', asked another child..
'It means' , said the girl, 'that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy!'"

HOLY COW!!!!!!!!!! That's it!!!!!!!!!!!! Holly and Kristal have a baby growing inside their tummies and I have a baby growing inside my heart!!!!! :)

Wow!!! Thank you, LORD, for that amazing perspective. So... now my tummy won't grow, my heart will.